Let’s face it, who doesn’t want to be a cute, lovable, psychopathic killer from time to time? Whether you want an excuse to slice someone open with a hand saw in the name of love or just pass the time by creeping out your friends and family, this beginner’s guide to being a yandere is for you!
First Step – The Basics
Before a yandere can descend into amorous insanity, she – or he, in some cases – need to fulfill these requirements:
- Have an object of obsession at the ready. Every yandere needs an object of obsession they are willing to maim, torture, and kill for. Although the most common type of stalkee/love interest is the kind-hearted childhood friend, it could also be the new student in class, your older brother/sister, your work partner, or even your teacher/professor. For extra sex appeal, try to pick someone of the same gender to infatuate yourself with.
- Be irresistibly adorable to everyone you meet. Although you may end up killing them in horrible ways by the end of the series, you must first establish yourself as cute, innocent, and moe, seemingly incapable of any kind of cruelty or sadism. The cuter you are, the more shocking your eventual mental breakdown will be.
- Have plenty of domestic skills, such as cooking, cleaning, or sewing. The yandere must be completely devoted to serving his or her love interest and becoming a good waifu/husbando for them. This will also give you plenty of options for weaponry, which we will discuss in the next step.
- Have a past traumatic event serve as the basis for your psychosis. No one will sympathize with a yandere who’s crazy for the lulz. However, try to hide this trauma from all of your friends as long as you can until the plot calls for a tragic reveal.
- NEVER SEEK HELP! It is absolutely crucial that a yandere never admits his or her psychological imbalances or attempts to seek any sort of therapy for it! After all, what’s the fun in being sane when you can easily steal the show by being bat-shit crazy?
Second Step – Choosing a Weapon
Yanderes have many choices regarding weapons. The easiest to obtain and most popular to use tend to be household items, such as:
- Knife. A classic yandere weapon. Simply grab the biggest knife in your kitchen and stab away.
- Scissors. Perfect for stabbing or cutting off small appendages, i.e. fingers, toes, your unfaithful lover’s naughty bits.
- Poisons. If it’s poisonous, it works. Pour a little bit of bleach or crush a lethal mixture of pills into your victims’ tea and they’ll either drop dead or become so sick they’ll never come near your love interest again.
- Needles/syringes.While needles are not typically very lethal, they can be used as excruciatingly painful torture devices. For a sneaky and clean kill, use a syringe in combination with one of the poisons mentioned above.
- Razors/razor blades. A small, yet versatile weapon. You can use a handled razor to cleanly slice your victim’s throat, or use smaller blades as the “special ingredient” in your cake or pie. For a bit of variation, try using an exacto knife or a box cutter.
However, one can also use more conventional weapons should one have access to them. In fact, depending on the setting and/or situation, conventional weapons may strike even more fear into the hearts of your victims. Some examples:
- Swords. Are you in a world of swords and sorcery? Then the humble sword may serve as the easiest weapon to find and use. Modern counterparts such as machetes and sci-fi laser swords also fall under this category.
- Axes and cleavers. Another yandere favorite! Why kill cleanly when you can hack off a limb or decapitate someone with one swift blow?
- Martial arts. Although highly atypical of a yandere, twisting one’s vows to use martial arts only in self-defense into “trying to defend your one true love” could make for an interesting and creepy plot element.
- Psychic powers. Are you a creepy child rejected by the world for his or her dangerous powers? Then use those powers to exact your revenge on the world and all your rival’s for your crush’s love!
- Guns. Overused and boring. Use only as a last resort – and even then, the shotgun is your only choice for an effective, messy kill.
Third Step – Acting Like a Yandere
To become a full-fledged yandere, it is imperative to practice and master these basic yandere skills:
- The psychotic laugh. Showing the world you’ve gone completely nuts is a simple matter of laughing loudly and hysterically during your psychotic episodes. Start off with a cute, yet sinister giggle, then gradually make your way to a full-on, high-pitched crazed cackle. For violent moments, throw in some maniacal ranting to really get the point across that you’re going to spill blood and make heads roll.
- The soulless eyes. When going into a depressive or psychotic episode, you must first make the highlights in your eyes completely disappear, symbolizing your disassociation from reality. If you have trouble doing so, get the animator to do it for you, or use Photoshop.
- The angry rant. Let the person who’s taken your Precious away from you know what they did. For the beginning of the rant, use a low, yet angry tone of voice. When the other party protests, scream “LIAR!!” or “SHUT UP!!” at the top of your lungs. Towards the end of the rant, begin screaming more and more until all you have left to say is “YOU SHOULD DIE!!”, “GIVE ME BACK MY ____-KUN/-CHAN”, or simply “DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!”.
- Stalking. Stalking is a crucial part of getting to know people, particularly your love interest and your rivals. By following them home, watching them through windows, or even breaking and entering, you can find out much more about people than they ever wanted anybody to know. This information will come in handy later for unintentionally creeping out your love interest or blackmailing your rivals.
- The creepy writing/drawing. Obsessively and continuously write or draw creepy words, phrases, or images, including but not limited to: your love interest’s name, the words “death”, “die”, “sorry”, or “help me”, threats towards your rivals, or violent scenes involving said rivals.
- The bitter suicide. Should all else fail and your love interest still rejects you (after everything you’ve done for them, the ungrateful prick!), you’ll either refuse to live without him/her or want to make him/her regret it. Be prepared to take your own life, preferably in front of your love interest, in the most disturbing and painful way you can think of. Common options include jumping from a bridge/building, slitting the wrists, or hanging.
These are only the basics of becoming a yandere. As with any skill, it takes time, practice, and lots of patience. Once you’ve mastered the basics, you should take the time to hone your yandere persona into something that’s entirely your own. Follow these steps and you too can turn any generic romantic/harem anime into something creepy and memorable!8 months ago | 41 notes